The Death of Comedy
by ShaneXvga
Summary: 50 drabbles and oneshots... Comedy, Everything from Ed and Roy interaction to Hawkeye finally killing mustang...
1. Chapter 1

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Authors Note(s): I got the idea for this while laying on the couch watching C-SPAN so...if it's not really funny blame it on that dull channel. Also I will be making this a 50 chapter long drabble thingy. The drabble/one-shots will in no way be connected.

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Disclaimer: I do not own it.

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

Imperial March

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Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, and Havoc where walking down a hallway deep underground. None of them knew why they were walking here or even how they had gotten here. But yet they walked, and walked...and walked until Mustang interrupted.

"I know it's the midgets fault that we're walking here, and I have a date at seven!" Roy complained loudly, nervously looking at his watch.

"Don't call me a super small grain of sand who you have to use an electron microscope to see!" Yelled Edward attempting to strangle Colonel Mustang.

_SNAP_

Edwards shoes melted sticking to the floor. He tripped, his chin hitting the floor hard.

"Ow-" Edward started to say but was cut of by sound coming through the walls.

It was the Imperial March, from _Star Wars, _ but with one key difference; instead of instruments it was being song with vocals using only one word, only one. The word was: _MILK_.

"Milk milk milk. Milkedy milk milkedy milk." came the sounds through the walls.

"For the love of _Krishna, NOOO!" _Yelled Edward running around in circles waving his arms around crazily.

"Since when did you become a Buddhist?" Asked Mustang putting is hand on Ed's head-Which stopped Ed from moving, even though he continued to run in place.

"Well, I was going to say god," Said Edward continuing to run in place, "Put it sounded so unoriginal." he finished simply.

Suddenly the music increased in volume and they heard a rushing sound. The floor around them began to vibrate and the could see some thing white up ahead that was quickly rushing towards them.

"NOOOOO!" Yelled Edward as he turned around to run, even though his short legs couldn't move him very fast. "Anything but milk!"

Mustang who had also turned around to run, quickly outdistanced Edward, but turned around when he realized how much paper work he would have to fill out if Ed died. Havoc merely stood in place smoking a cigarette.

The wave of milk(Deadly in Edwards mind) hit them. Mustang tried to use his gloves to evaporate it but they got wet and were useless, Edward tried to use his alchemy to transmute a milk-filtering device, and Havoc merely stood there trying to protect his cigarette.

"Crap," Said Mustang Annoyed, "I can't use my alchemy." He headed over the the nearest corner to pout.

"I'm dying, I'm poisoned." Edward screeched pretending to die.

"No!." Yelled Havoc. "He was to young to die." Cried as he ran over to the mangled cigarette that had been ripped from his mouth by the milk.(1)

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A/N: Hope you like it I'll update ASAP...I already have the idea for the next drabble. Please Review!

1. Yes...I put havoc in just so I could have this line.


	2. Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: I do not own it.

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

The Death of Comedy

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It was a very hot day at Central. It wouldn't have been so hot if Roy Mustang had stopped trying to fry Maes Hughes, but Roy had finally succeeded in sending Hawkeye off on some bogus trip.

_FLASH._

_SNAP._

Were the sounds that had been heard all day. Mustang would try to fry Hughes (Hughes had taunted him about his feelings for Hawkeye and the fact that he hadn't gotten any work done) and then Hughes would take a picture of Mustangs angry face with his new digital camera. Roy had attempted to kill the guys down in R and D when he had found out they had given it to Hughes to test out- Now Hughes didn't have to wait for the pictures to develop.

Suddenly a man walked into Roys office, making Roy cut off his 'SNAP' mid-snap.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" Roy yelled angrily.

"I'm Comedy." Said the Comedy laughing.

"You're what-who?" Roy inquired beginning to calm down.

"I'm C-O-M-E-D-Y." Said the Comedy looking at Roy as if he was an idiot. Suddenly the man pulled out a pie and tossed it in Roys face.

_CLICK _went Hughes' camera as he took yet another picture.

Mustang quickly pulled on his left-hand glove and began snapping at both of them.

One of his snaps must have 'nicked' Comedy as Comedy arm fell off. Comedy looked down at his arm and then began to laugh.

"'Tis just a flesh-wound." He said in voice with a very strong British accent.

"But your arms off!" said Mustang in a voice with a very strong British Accent.

"What did you do to me!" yelled Mustang as the man said something about that his arm not being off.

Mustang was gripped by the urge to say something again, "Yes it is, it's sitting right there!" he said in a very strong British accent.

The man started to say something else, but Mustang fried him. As a great amount of air rushed into the room to refill that air that had been used up by the huge flame, Mustang was sure he heard something like.

"I'll bite your legs off!" in a strong British accent.

_CLICK_

"I'll fry you!" Yelled Mustang attempting to fry Hughes but frying his paper work just as Hawkeye walked into his office.

The last thing Mustang heard before he passed out from fear was a loud _BANG._

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A/N Hope you like it please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

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Disclaimer: I do not own it.

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

How Mustang Became Colonel Bastard

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'Riiinggg...riinnnggg...' went the phone on Colonel Roy Mustangs desk before he hurriedly answered it.

"Hughes for the last time, I do not want you to come over and show me more pic-" at that moment Roy, who had a vein popping in his forehead, was cut off by Major Edward Elric on the other end.

"Hi, sweet-heart!" Yelled Edward happily.

Hawkeye Cocked her head curiously looking at Mustang "Keep it down, Edward..." said Mustang, "Hawkeyes' right here."

"WHAT YOU COLONEL BASTARD!" Yelled Edward, "YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT...THAT...WELL SHE'S PERFECT BUT THAT NO EXCUSE!"

"I'm on cheating on you, Edward." Said Roy nervously, "Please believe me."

"What was that, Sir?" Asked Hawkeye.

"I told him that I'm not cheating him out of any information." Mustang said nearly swallowing his tongue.

"ROY ARE YOU TALKING WITH THE SLUT WHO'S TRYING TO STEAL MY MOOPSIE ROYIEKINS AWAY FROM ME!" Edward screamed over the phone.

"I told you now to call me that!" Roy screeched, "SHE HEARD THAT TOO YOU IDIOT!"

"What did Major Elric call you Sir? AND WHAT IN GODS NAME DID HE CALL ME?" Hawkeye yelled pulling out two pistols.

_BANG_

Mustang screamed like a little girl.

_BANG BANG BANG_

Hawkeye picked up the phone from where it had fallen when Roy ran. "Edward soon I will track down your lover...and your next." said Hawkeye a malicious gleam in her eyes as she enunciated each word.

Edward screamed and passed out.

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A/N PLEASE REVIEW! Okay well whatt'a 'ya think?

Edit after upload:

Promiss next chapter will be longer


	4. Chapter 4

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

Cow(s)

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"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, FULLMETAL?" Yelled Mustang flinging a yellow file that contained Edward's latest report down onto his desk.

"It's my report," Replied Edward calmly, "Don't have a cow Colonel Bas-Sir."

"What did you call me-" Mustang started to say, but he was cut off as a cow fell on him. The cow came flying though the ceiling with a rather quite 'moo' and then fell on Colonel Roy Mustang.

"What the hell!" Edward screamed as a cow fell on top of him too.

"You did this to me, you midget!" yelled a rather squashed Mustang from beneath the cow, but because of the cow on top of him it came out as indistinguishable syllabics.

"Who are you calling a supershortgrainofsandwhoyoucan'tseewithoutamicroscopeandthatissmallerthanthesmallestgrainofsand?" Edward yelled throwing the cow off of himself only for it to come back down moments later squashing him once again.

"I didn't call you that!" Mustang groaned.

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Riza Hawkeye had been having a good day, until she had heard the 'sounds' coming out of Mustangs office. She hoped he wasn't having another mental breakdown...he had already had two this month. She got up from her desk and started walking towards his office, she could hear Edward yelling from inside. She hoped Mustang hadn't lost it and fried him. She opened the door and saw both Mustang and Edward trapped under...cows. She realized Mustang wasn't having a mental breakdown she was; it must be the stress she thought.

"Sorry for disturbing you, sir." said Hawkeye beginning to close the door.

"Don't leave us!" Mustang yelled, "Help me out of here!"

"And me too!" Yelled Edward not wanting to be outdone by Colonel Bastard.

"No, leave the midget." Commanded Mustang.

"What exactly should I do to get rid of the cows?" she asked questioningly.

_CLICK_

"Oh god no." groaned Mustang.

_CLICK_

"Hi, Roy." Said Hughes cheerfully, interring Mustang's office while winding his camera for another shot. "What happened?" He asked in the same cheerful tone continuing to wind his camera.

"Cows came out of nowhere and fell on us." Complained Mustang.

"Oh, those are mine." said Hughes cheerfully.

"WHAT!" Yelled Edward. "These abominations that produce horrid milk are yours?"

"Well, Alicia said she wanted one for her birthday..." Said Hughes pouting at being yelled at. "And I'm not gonna tell them to get off of you until you apologize."

"But I didn't do anything, right?" asked Mustang hopefully.

"Oh, no, if I tell one to get off I have to tell the other one to get off too." said Hughes still pouting, "So you're stuck until Edward apologizes." He walked out of the room.

"Hughes come back here!" Yelled Mustang. "It's all your fault, Midget!"

"Who are you calling so short-" Edward started to yell.

"Yes, Edward we know," Said Hawkeye annoyed, "Now Colonel, I could probably get Hughes to come back here...But I believe I applied for some vacation time, which you denied."

"Yes, you can't have it!" Yelled Mustang.

"Oh, well then it's settled, Sir." She said scribbling 'Do Not Disturb' on a piece of paper, hanging it on Mustangs door, walking out; and then closing the door.

"This is all you fault!" Edward yelled at mustang.

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A/N: Hope you liked it, please R&R


	5. Chapter 5

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Disclaimer: I don't not own it! I do not own it! I do not not not own it! (Walks off singing 'I do not own it')

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

Megalomania Dreams

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"All hail Edward-Sama." Chanted the crowd bowing to the seven foot Edward Elric, State Alchemist that now had the rank of Colonel(after he had finally gotten rid of Colonel Bastard) and he was now known as the State Alchemist that caused women to faint when he entered the room.

Winry ran up to him "Ohh Edward!" she yelled throwing her arms around him, "How could we ever have doubted you'd grow!"

"That was your own fault for not believing in me." He said in a deep voice as he kissed her passionately.

They walked down the street arm-in-arm. Edward smirked as he passed a printing shop that sold pictures of the "Famous State Alchemist"(Edward Elric) in various states of undress. As Winry and Edward turned the corner Edward spotted Rabid Fangirls who were trying to get past his body-guards so they could take him home with them and do all kinds of indecent things to him. He smirked as he waved to them, he blew the prettiest a kiss. Because of this show of emotion it caused Winry to go into a mad fit of jealousy and beat the poor girl up.

He turned another corner and there were more girls, this time making it past his body-guards. They carried him off; took him to a hotel room.

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Edward woke with a jolt as the train bounced along. He could feel cramps in his legs from sleeping in the uncomfortable position he was sleeping in. Turning over he got 'comfortable' in yet another uncomfortable position. Smirking to himself, he fell back to sleep.

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A/N...I don't know what to say...I don't really like this short...I might not post it...


	6. Chapter 6

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Disclaimer: I don't own FMA...I wish I did...like everyone else wishes they did...

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Title:

The Death of Comedy

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Chapter Title:

Crazed Midgets

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"Step away from the girl, you midget scumbag." Yelled the SWAT officer at Edward who quickly back away from Winry. "I don't have a midget hunting license, but you know it's illegal for midgets to bother the populace."

"I AM NOT SO SMALL THE YOU HAVE TO USE TWO DOZEN MICROSCOPES TO SEE ME!" Yelled Edward his face turning red.

"He's right," said Winry laughing. "He's over the midget limit by one millimeter."

The SWAT agent pulled out a measuring agent and began to measure Ed. "Damn! You're right." said the SWAT guy signaling to his back up to put away their weapons. "You need to wear a sign that you're over the midget cut off, you don't want some midget hunter mistaking you for a rabid midget."

Ed fainted at the overuse of the word midget.

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A/N...YES IT'S THIS SHORT! (pun intended) remember these are DRABBLES! 200 to 600 words...well maybe more or less in some cases...but you get the idea...


	7. Chapter 7

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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in the following writing in no way express the views of the author or the website (s) they are hosted on. additionally, the Author in no way owns the characters on areas sited in the writing, they are used fictitiously and in no way are the writings intended to violate any applicable copy-right law.

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Title: The Death of Comedy.

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Chapter: Seven (7)

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"Yes, it truly is a wonderful day." thought Colonel Roy Mustang as he snapped his fingers causing anther stack of paperwork to burst into flames. He didn't much care for the yells of his subordinates who were running around attempting to put out the flames though.

"Shut up!" Yelled Mustang snapping his fingers, the stack of paper that Havoc had been carrying exploded in a cloud of ash. "I love fire! That means all of you love fire too!" he yelled laughing crazily as more stacks of paperwork went up in flame, the only paperwork left intact was the work on Hawkeyes desk; even the 'great' Roy Mustang didn't dare touch that.

'BANG!' A shot rang out, literally parting Roy's hair...

Roy felt himself being jerked awake, "Sir, Wake up, Sir." said Hawkeye gently shaking him in an attempt to wake him from his deep slumber. Roy looked around taking in his office, 'I must have fallen asleep at my desk' he thought. Then he spotted the stacks upon stacks of paperwork piled ceiling high all around the office. Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, screamed like a little girl and fainted.

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Review please, I know it's a long wait for such a small update...Sorry!


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